Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Letting Go.....



can be so hard for me.....Why do I let things bother me until they shake me to my core...Why can't I let go of different situations in my life....I know I try to be a positive person....today was one of those days that seemed hopeless....
Don't get me wrong I also focused on all of the things that I'm grateful for in my life....

I can't control people or the things they say, but why do I let it bother me so much....Sometimes I can just sit and cry....
I can't look at my father without just wanting to cry....I asked my Mom many years ago about a recurring dream I had been having for quite a few years...In my dream I would see a sunflower field and then my Dad....In my dream I would see myself as a very young girl, maybe 5....My Dad and I would dance in this field, we would play and then it would end with he and I picking sunflowers for my Mom and taking them to her....

Well, my Mom told me that when I was a little girl we lived next to a sunflower field and Dad and I would go and pick her sunflowers....According to my Mom, Dad and I were close....So, when they got divorced my Mom said I was not quite the same...
I don't remember that time but I do remember being angry and not knowing why....

As I became a woman I have always wondered why he never sent a card, never a phone call, nothing....It was like he divorced me too....There is no doubt I'm an emotional person....I can cry for no reason at times....I don;t know what to do to just let it go...I have been to counseling and most days I'm fine with it....but there are days....

Which, leads to me others....thier actions, thier comments, thier disregard for hurting other peoples feelings....When something is said I always tell Jon so I can just get it off my chest....and then I file it away and move on, so I think....
Then it will take a couple of other negative situations and before I know it I'm pissed, and I'm digging up what I thought I had moved on from....Why can't I just be done with it....

I truely believe that the energy you have inside your heart, is the energy you attract....That being positive is a choice and on most days I make the choice to be positive....Jon and I have agreed that if someone is not a positive influence in our lives we limit how often we see them and boundaries are set....I have to say this has improved our relationship...I wish I could be more like Jon when it comes to letting go...He is such a giving person...Sometimes I don't know how he does it, even though he has tried to explain it to me....Something can be tearing him up inside but he forgives it, sometimes daily....He is my hero in this department....

So, I will continue everyday to make the choice to be happy....and when I get in my "funk" as Jon and I describe it....I will do my best to focus on everything in my life I'm so grateful for....
I love my husband, my girls and all of the positive people in our lives....

1 comment:

Gabrielle Beck said...

Debra...

Checking out your blog, I am an AMMaholic and love all your work!

This really is so much like me. I am strong and can handle difficult people and situations but sometimes, it's too much!

I'm sorry about your Dad and know that your in my thoughts!

Gabrielle :)